A Court of Self Insert
by PotatoStoryteller
Summary: After being swept into ACOTAR, with no idea of how I ended up there, Feyre and I band together to survive the Court of Spring and its deadly faeries. I find myself constantly confused about this new world & thirdwheeling Feyre as she slowly falls in love. With my futuristic lingo, my talent to anger Lucien & my innapropiate comments , Feyre & I will find a way to bring us back home


**HI! I AM BACK FROM THE DEAD! IT'S BEEN MONTHS SINCE THE LAST TIME I WAS BACK.**

 **GUYS I WENT THROUGH A LOT. MY COMPUTER, COUNTRY AND LIFE BROKE DOWN.**

 **1\. MY COMPUTER LOST IT AND DELETED EVEEERYTHING. SO ALL OF MY WORK WAS LOST AND I WAS PISSSED.**

 **2\. MY COUNTRY WENT THROUGH SOME CRAP, THERE WAS A MILITARY SHUT DOWN BUT EVERYTHING'S OKAYISH NOW**

 **3\. I BROKE UP WITH MY CRAPPY BOYFRIEND AND FOUND LOVE MONTHS LATER AND NOW I'M MARRIED :) yay to love**

 **ALL THAT TO SAY: I'm back.**

 **I'LL TRY TO BE CONSISTENT WITH POSTING.**

 **I HONESTLY CAME BACK CAUSE MY MIND KEPT ON GOING BACK TO THIS STORY.**

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 _CHAPTER 1_

I looked at the clock, it was past noon already and I had only memorized five words from the Biology Glossary. I groaned. it's not that the words were difficult or that I was lacking the intelligence to memorize it. I just didn't feel like studying, I was on exam weeks and this was my final exam and my mind was already worn out.

I was mentally and emotionally tired. All I wanted was to wrap myself in a cozy blanket and read a book. The weather wasn't helping either, the grey clouds were covering the sky, the gentle drizzle slamming against my window and the howling wind resonating around my house. All combining itself into a perfect day. A perfect, lazy, reading day.

It was October here in Honduras, our winter here is filled with rain, wind and mildly cold weather. It's not actual winter since it never gets below 10 degrees C' (50' F, for you Neanderthals who refuse to live under the same measurements as the rest of the world.)

Honduras is a tropical country, located in the heart of Central America, so no snow for us on Christmas. Winter becomes a bipolar weather, freezing mornings, hot noon, hurricanes in the afternoon and back to freaking tundra at night. It takes longer to decide what to wear.

I live in the capital city, Tegucigalpa, a decently big city, with nothing much to do and nothing much to see.

I looked at the clock then at my bookshelf. I recently bought a new book and I felt like it was calling me. Maybe I can read for an hour or so and then I can get back to studying, no problem…I'm so flunking this exam. I picked my recent buy, A Court of Thorns and Roses. I've been waiting months for this book but I had to wait for my local bookshop to receive the shipment. That was five months ago. New releases usually don't get on time, so you have to learn to be patient and try not to spoil yourself.

I picked the book from the bookshelf, I put on my fluffy cat socks, its ears picking on each side of my ankle, and quickly I wrapped myself in my favorite pink blanket and threw myself on the bed. This is what contentment feels like.

Minutes later I reached chapter three, I was feeling a weird tingly sensation throughout the whole story. At some point at the end of the chapter, I started to feel dizzy, the words appeared swirly, and my room felt like it was stuck in a whirlwind. I put the book down, I stopped at the part where Feyre was going with Isaac to the barn.

Suddenly, I felt parched, my tongue felt dry and my throat was screaming for water. A weird howling noise erupted out of the blue, I looked around my bedroom but couldn't find the source of the sound. Is this what being high feels like?

I got up too quickly because I felt like fainting and-oh no, I was about to puke on my bed. I needed to take Pepto-Bismol and pronto, that's my go-to medicine, that and Vicks Vaporub-a Latino thing. My first thought is blaming my period but I just got it last week that can't be it. Unless my uterus hates me enough to give me two periods in a month.

My room is on the second floor and my kitchen is on the first floor, where we keep all of the medicine. I couldn't even stand up, let alone walk down the stairs. I would trip and die. A plan started forming in my head, while I put my boots on. I would crawl my way to the kitchen and make it easier for me to fall down the stairs.

The howling noise grew louder and louder, almost deafening, and in toll, the room spun faster. The temperature dropped. What is going on? Did my book have a secret chemical to make the story more entertaining?

Everything built up to a crescendo, I closed my eyes. When all of a sudden the nausea and dizziness stopped, I couldn't hear any sounds, just my heart beating against my chest. Icy wind caressed my cheek and-icy wind? I opened my eyes.

"Uh," I said aloud under the dusk, stone houses at the distant, their chimneys coughing up smoke and dim light coming from the windows. My heart was beating faster, my thoughts like white noise, "Aslan?"

I looked around me, the ground was covered with snow, large trees surrounding me, their branches moving with the wind like a bird fluttering its wings.

 _Where am I? Where am? Where am I?_

I had a tingly feeling that I wasn't on Earth anymore. My book definitely had something in its pages. Everything was swirling around, and this is not how I imagined I would see snow for the first time. I had thoroughly planned on going on a trip to California, see the Redwood trees, see snow for the first time and then enjoy southern California and go to freaking Disneyland. I had planned to go to California and not freaking Narnia.

The sound of the wind against the trees grew louder, I felt like they were mocking me. "Mr. Tommy?" I asked out loud, hoping someone would answer. "Tumnus, I mean Anybody?"

Crippling fear fell over me. How did I get here? How am I going back?

My knees buckled up and I threw up. The snow was soft under my impact. Tears streamed down my face, it felt like a hand was inside my stomach pulling its content unto the ground. I didn't hear the footsteps behind me, I was busy throwing up and I was too disoriented to know what was happening.

When I was done I looked up and that's when I saw her. A girl with light brown hair, there was fury in her eyes and she was holding a bow, her knuckles turning white from holding it and she was pointing it straight at me. I let out a yelp. "Lucy?"

She let go of the arrow, instinctively I curl down into a ball like a professional armadillo. With a wush the arrow flew past my head, I was still screaming my head off. This is not Narnia, this is freaking Westeros! She walked towards me, the snow crunching under her boots. She kicked me, pushing me on the ground, lying close to my puke.

The smell made me gag, instinctively I pushed myself as farthest away as possible before she yelled, "Stop, stay there!"

I don't know what was going on in my mind, I was still in shock. I guess I expected I could drag myself away from her and escape.

Her hands trembled and I stopped myself. She could kill me, I reminded myself. She was as nervous as I was, I decided to stay put and not do any sudden movement.

She put a foot in front of the other, then another, closing the gap between us. Not letting go of her tight grasp on her bow, I don't know much from archery but I'm pretty sure you can't shoot from such a close distance. Maybe she was thinking about inserting the arrow right through my neck with her own hands.

"What are you? What-what are you doing in the village?" She growled but she seemed to stammer with her words. "Are you some sort combination of human fairy?"

I blinked, am I a what? "Well answer me, what are you?!" She screamed and I jolted. Her words were like a splash of cold water, my mind suddenly cleared up and my body remembered it was cold. My teeth chattered, my body trembled.

Her eyes studied me, scanning my attire up and down, and I remembered I am wearing a sweater with big words written across it: "I'm in love with fictional characters." It Felt like a neon sign shining brightly for everyone to see that I'm definitely not from around. I tried to cover it with my arms as best as possible. She looked at the words for some seconds and blew past it, her eyes staring quizzically at my jeans.

I finally felt brave enough to speak, "I'm not a fairy, I swear. I'm just a normal human." She didn't answer back. Slowly and painfully I stood up, my legs trembled, "See?" that frighten her, and she raised her bow again.

I repeated myself "See? I'm not tall enough to be fae!" I think I was getting this confused between Faes and Elves, wasn't Tinkerbell a Faery? No, wait that's a pixie. I picked my hair and made it into a bun, showing her my ears.

She lowered her bow, I let out a breath. "Your ears are normal, that doesn't mean anything. Maybe your human blood is stronger." I groaned and tried to protest but she raised her hand, "I saw you appear out of nowhere and land right here in the snow. And that's not a human thing." Her words sounded final like she already taken a verdict and my neck was on the line.

I rubbed my temples and sighed loudly. "Look, I'm from a place called Earth, we don't even have that faery thing. I was feeling dizzy and one moment I was looking for Peptobismol and Vick VapoRub and the next I'm freezing my ovaries off with Katniss Evergreen ready to kill me." I shrugged, her face completely puzzled, her mouth slightly open. Maybe I needed to translate everything I said, I opened my mouth to try again.

She shushed me before I could continue, her hand rubbing her face in frustration. "I didn't understand half of the nonsense you said. All that Pepper and Vick talk-nonsense. I don't know what sort of magic your world uses-"

"That's what I'm trying to tell you, we don't have magic in my world!"

She studied me, from head to toes. She was taller than me, her hair ran down to her waist and it looked dull, probably from undernourishment since she was awfully skinny. She was beautiful, under all the dirt and malnutrition. Her eyes popped in contrast to her face, her cheeks hollowed, like they've been sucked out.

"I don't know how else I can convince you, I can barely convince myself I'm here-if it wasn't for the snow," I grunted, trying to blow hot air unto my hands. "If you don't believe me, you can prickle my thumb and check if the blood is red. Although, I think my hands are thawed-"

"Blood has nothing to do with Faerie." Her voice was strong yet it also sounded unsure. I had the impression she had never seen a Fae in her life. I couldn't feel my fingers, I would return home without my fingers. If I ever return home.

"I know this is too much to ask for but I'm cold, I've never seen snow, ever in my life. I'm not used to this type of weather. I'm not even in my world, I'm lost-I don't even know what to do or where to go. Can I please stay with you?" My voice broke down, my eyes started watering. "Just for the night, I can help you in the morning with anything."

She put her bow away, "I don't know you and I don't trust you. The village is over there. Maybe someone will help you, good luck finding help." With a final glance, she started walking away. I stood there aghast, I would surely die.

No one would ever help me, especially with this stupid sweater. My heart beat faster, my foggy breath coming out of my mouth. Tears fell down, freezing over my cheek. I looked at the sky, it was getting darker. I started walking towards the direction of the village.

I could barely walk without falling down, at this rate I would never get there. Thankfully I was wearing my combat boots. I rubbed my hands together, blowing warm breath on the back of my hand. I was trembling even more.

"Hey!" The skinny girl yelled through her teeth. Like she was battling with herself. I turned, "You'll kill yourself in this weather. Come with me, we have extra food in my house. You can stay the night."

I practically ran towards her, falling several times in the process. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," I said crying harder, she looked at me with disgust, "You will help me clean the house, tomorrow." and together we walked to her house.

"I'm Anna," I said stretching my hand, she shook it. Then took her gloves off and handed them to me, I almost cried again. "I'm Feyre." I stopped my tracks. Her eyes alarmed searching for the source of our sudden halt. "Feyre? Feyre Archeron?" She paused as well, eyeing me closely, she slowly nodded. Her fingers itching to touch her bow.

I laughed bitterly, I couldn't believe it. I'm in the book. I'm inside the book! The dream of every bookworm but I didn't feel grateful.

"Great, freaking great," I muttered, how could I explain this to her? She would probably abandon me here in the snow, wolves would probably eat me alive or worse she'd call the villager mob and they would appear with torches and pitchforks to burn down the witch.

"Remember that feeling of kind of trusting Anna? It feels nice right? I need you to hold onto that." I said as an intro, she seemed impatient and growing skeptical by the second, she crossed her arms. "Before I appeared in this world before I felt dizzy. I was reading a book with the main character named as Feyre Archeron." I paused,it didn't look like she believed me. "She is the daughter of a merchantman who became poor. She has two older sisters: Nesta and Elain. She recently went to the woods alone to hunt a-"

"Wolf." She whispered softly, we stood there looking at each other. She pointed an accusing finger at me, "You said there wasn't magic in your Earth World."

I raised my hands, "And there isn't, I thought the book was fiction. I swear!" There was silence for a moment, she studied the woods and decided to keep on walking. "Maybe I'm meant to be here, to help you. I don't understand it either. It doesn't make any sense."

"Someone wrote about my life... so you know what happens next?"

I shook my head, "No, I stopped reading when you went with Isaac to the…um- barn." Her cheeks grew pink.

"Yes, after that I found you appear in the snow."

"Maybe…I'm here to help you around the house since both of your sisters never help you." I shrugged. She looked at the sky and then resumed to walk. Maybe I said the wrong thing, I followed her.

We walked for a moment in silence. I didn't allow myself to think much since I knew my questions didn't have answers. Quite the contrary they brought more questions. But there was something nagging at me.

"Feyre, why did you come back for me?" I asked softly, "Why would you help me?"

She shrugged, "It felt wrong abandoning you in the snow and I felt a sort of pull towards you."

It all felt like a dream, hazy and confusing. And I didn't have time to process anything, everything was happening too fast. Like I was caught under the current of a river, tossed and turned over. All I could do was go with the flow.

"That's my house." Feyre's voice broke through my thoughts. She pointed at a small dainty cottage. Oh Sarah J. Maas, couldn't you make this house a little bit bigger? Poor Feyre. She saw the pity in my eyes, with a frown she walked faster.

When we reached the door, Feyre kicked her boots against the stone door frame, snow fell from them. She gestured me to do the same, I clumsily did. She lifted her palm for me to stop. Her voice into a whisper, "wait right here." She closed the door on my face, I studied the weird symbols on the door and door frame.

I heard voices inside and boots climbing up the stairs. I shivered. I was inside a book, how in hell am I getting back?

Just when I started to wonder if Feyre abandoned me right at her doorstep, she opened the door and threw a furry coat at me. I clumsily put it on, my fingers were stiff and my body trembled. She opened the door wider and I went inside into the heat of the house.

I wanted to run to the fireplace but three stone faces were staring at me. I fought the instincts of introducing myself, Feyre had told me not to say a word. I bit my lips, I'm not gonna screw this up. I stayed put allowing Feyre to do the talking. If need be, I can say I love you in sign language.

But a girl with the same color of hair and a nasty frown beat her to it, "Who the hell is that?" She rose from where she sat at the dining table. Her hands were on her hips and her eyes were cold. I felt myself shrinking, there's nothing like a warm welcoming.

Feyre seemed to take a breath, "This is Anna, I found her lost in the woods. She was freezing and needs food." Feyre answered with the same coldness. Their eyes met halfway, daring each other to surrender. I certainly wouldn't like to be in the middle of a fight between this two.

The first girl laughed bitterly, "Oh, so you manage to bring a deer and decide to throw a feast and share it with the whole village?" She gestured me from head to toe but her eyes not leaving Feyre's. I felt myself shrinking deeper and deeper, my head was low and my eyes were staring at the floor. I probably looked like a stray dog. My knees were probably touching the ground. I was pretty sure this ancient brunette Regina George was Nesta.

"It's just one person, not the whole village-"

Nesta dismissed Feyre with her hands, "We can barely feed ourselves and you invite a stranger over! You don't even know her, she could be a thief-she could be a Children of the Bless." Nesta acted like if Feyre hadn't muttered a single word but interrupted her instead.

Feyre stood tall, breathing slowly, she looked collected but I figured otherwise. The other girl, Elain, was watching her sisters, she briefly eyed me and smiled apologetically. An older man-their father, sat at the table, chewing quietly. Mr. Archeron looked really tired and sagged. I think I smiled back at Elain but since my face felt half paralyzed I gave her a creepy smile.

"And steal what? Our venison? I'd like to remind you that I caught the deer and if I want to share it with Anna, I will." Feyre said finally, she walked to the fireplace and pulled me with her. I dragged my feet, I think my knees are paralyzed as well.

Feyre sat me in front of the fireplace then went to the kitchen, Elain wrapped me in a blanket and sat back at the table. I muttered a sort of thank you but my teeth were clattering against each other. Sounded more like: "Sanks"

Feyre returned with a hot beverage and handed it to me. My fingers wrapped around the cup, I sighed softly. My sigh was cut short when I took the first sip, horrendous! I almost coughed but Nesta was looking at me with a sneer daring me to spit it out. Meekly, I lowered my eyes and gulped. From my peripheral view, I could see Feyre's father studying me from where he was sitting.

Nesta scuffed. I could hear her loudly shifting in her seat. "Well, I cut all that wood so I decide who is heated by it." Quickly, I turn my direction towards Nesta, a smug was across her face.

I hope she's not serious because I doubt I can even walk and no one is moving me from here. A picture of Nesta dragging me by the hair into the snow popped in my mind, I shivered.

Elain, who sat next Nesta whispered something to her. Nesta ignored her and said to me, "You'll sleep on the floor." I stopped myself from rolling my eyes, yeah sure send the minority to sleep on the ground. Feyre surprised me and rolled her eyes. "She's sleeping with us." I'm pretty sure Feyre is not my number one fan. She was willing to kill me twenty minutes ago. It seems she dislikes her sister more than me and we'll do anything to piss her off. I already like her.

Our eyes lock and I don't know how to say "thank you" in sign language her so I say "You are pretty" instead. Feyre looks confused and shakes her head.

Nesta dropped the subject and focuses on eating. Feyre served food on a plate and brought it to me. "How are your fingers?" She said before handing me the plate. I lifted my hands and took the gloves off, I tried to wiggle them. She studied them for a second, my heart stopped.

I could already hear her answer, "They are dead and we need to cut them off." I could see Nesta chopping my fingers off with a vile cackle.

"They'll be alright, you just have to keep them heated." I left out a breath, I could keep my fingers.

"Fantastic! Since she's here she can chop the wood for me." Nesta said, chewing slowly a piece of venison. Feyre passed me the plate and went back to the table. I dig right into the food. "What were you doing in the woods all alone, anyway? Were you worshiping any fae?"

"Oh you know, the usual..." I stammered, I couldn't even come up with a lie.

Nesta was deadpan, it was physically impossible for her to frown even more. "What are you doing in this small village?" she pronounces the words slowly.

"Well, I'm here to enjoy the pleasure of your company, obviously." I grinned, sort of since my face still felt paralyzed. My smile felt more like Pennywise. I kept on eating.

"Answer me, are you a Children of the Blessed, yes or no?"

I turned my eyes to Nesta, her scowl had deepened by the second. I forced myself to smile, "I was blessed with wit and sass. Does that answer your question?"

Before she could answer a growl interrupted her and a shape appeared in the doorway. A hideous beast stared right at us. Nesta and Elain screamed. I guess we didn't expect the visit from a monster. Punk Aslan?

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Leave your comments, they really help. :)

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